A few days after this phone call she called me back. "I looked at the twins' site," she said. "After looking at it I wondered if you were worried? If it's one of the reasons you called me - or hadn't called me in a while. I wondered if you were worried that I wouldn't still love them." She must have seen their pictures. She must have read their stories. She must have concluded that Chris is transgender.
She was there in Vegas with me and Chris and Courtney on the twins' 21st birthday 3 years ago. A trip we had taken specifically to celebrate their 21st. She was there when Chris first approached me on that trip in our hotel room about him possibly being transgender. At the time, Chris was Chloe, dressed mostly like a 21 year old boy, was definitely gay (I had known that for a few years) but when he told me that he felt more like a boy than a girl, it really never occurred to me, at the time, what that really meant to him. When he told me this, in a very brief, emotion-filled conversation between him and I, I cried, told him I would love him no matter what and then proceeded to eventually tell my friend, who was with us, what he had said. Not much was discussed between any of us after that 20 minute conversation (it would be nearly 3 years before Chris approached me again in December of 2014 to let me and his father know that he was, in fact, transgender and going to transition), but that is truly when it all started, and this friend was a part of the journey in many ways.
In that call my friend made to me, asking me if I was worried, I said, "No, not at all. Honestly, I hadn't even thought about all that has been going on. I simply called because we needed to see you, as it has been such a long time."
One of the things about Chris and me is that I have never worried about what other people might think. It was not even in my thoughts when I called my friend. She has known the twins, and loved them dearly, since the day they were born and it never occurred to me that her feelings for them would change in any way (because I know her), regardless of what all had changed since the last time she had seen them. In the phone conversation we had recently she affirmed this belief, saying, "I can't wait to see them. You know how much I love them and always will."
When you learn your child is transgender, you go through many stages of acceptance. I questioned myself along this journey and some of the questions I asked were, "Are you ashamed? Are you fearful of how this reflects on you as a parent? Are you fearful of what people might say or think?" These are reasonable and logical questions a parent might ask themselves and also feelings they might actually experience. I asked myself these questions during the times when I was trying to figure out the reasons why I was having so much difficulty accepting Chris being transgender. The truth is ... I was NEVER ashamed. I was NEVER fearful of how the situation reflected on me as a parent. I was NEVER concerned about what people might say or think. My turmoil was always centered around my concern for Chris. And my concern for my own mental health when trying to reconcile my sad feelings with a reality I did not know how to deal with.
We will meet this friend for dinner soon. I will talk to her about some of what has occurred over the last several years of this journey with Chris (and Courtney). She will be happy to see all of us, show love toward the twins as she always has and be easily accepting of all the changes, just as I knew she would. I never questioned it. I never think about it. Without thought, I go into each situation regarding Chris being transgender (or both twins being gay) believing that people will be accepting and understanding, but if they are not, that is their prerogative. Not everyone can easily understand or accept how other people live their lives or the choices they have to make to survive.
I have always tried to surround myself with people, such as this friend, that respect love and life the way my family and I do. Live and let live and then gather around each other - that is the right way for people to treat each other ...
