It's been nearly four years since I've written on this blog. I know it is not because our story has come to an ending, but in so many ways we, Chris and I, have reached a plateau. I am completely settled, and have been for several years, and Chris also seems settled in his life as a trans man, as our son, as a strong presence in his community, as an individual that is living his authentic life in Austin, Texas, with his girlfriend and sister and friends. As Chris's mother, I am at ease and happy, for him, for us, for our family, with regard to Chris being trans.
I felt the urge to revisit the stories on this blog today because at this point in my life I have made a very determined effort in my personal life to outwardly and adamantly choose sides. I have always been the sort of person who embraces diversity, and that is even and often especially with regard to other's opinions, ideas, beliefs, choices. As long as your position on things does not adversely affect me (or my children/family), does not radically offend me, is not something you voice around me, even if I oppose your position, even adamantly, I have always tolerated and even ignored what and that I believe you are "wrong" sheerly because I've always felt it was the right way to be. However, recently, I have become acutely aware that because our nation and our society and many individuals hold beliefs and agendas that are disrespectful, dangerous, unjust, unfair, offensive and hateful about issues I feel STRONGLY about, such at the rights and lives of trans people and any and all LGBTQ+ individuals/issues, I need to choose the side, adamantly and outwardly, away from people in my life that have made it too apparent that their beliefs do not align with my own or with the safety and lives of my children (or women, or any and all disenfranchised and marginalized individuals or others that hold different religious beliefs/backgrounds or any and all people of color or those with disabilities, etc.).
I will no longer be "friends" on social media with people who post anything that depicts positions (politically and personally) that differ than my own position on issues/policies/beliefs. I am old enough and informed enough to realize where I stand on issues, and recognize others have the right to their own beliefs, but I no longer will allow into my world, near my family, near my children, people whose beliefs encourage, define, represent all the things I strongly define as "wrong" for me, my family or my children, or our nation.
In public, if I run into you, I will continue to be cordial, kind, embrace you, even, but even in public I will now keep my distance, as I no longer find it "right" to pretend I can co-exist socially with anyone who, I believe, is choosing the wrong side of important issues.
I'm okay losing "friends" and even family, whom I have also chosen to distance myself from, if it means the boundaries I now set create a safer and more healthy existence for me and my family, for my children. The boundaries help me NOT spend time focusing on hatred, dismissiveness, on division, on agendas that I see as harmful, disgusting, wrong, and allow my mind and time to focus on nurturing only the ideas and people I find to be important, useful, special, neglected, threatened, relevant, loved by me.
I have ALWAYS chosen what side I am on, but now I am doing so blatantly, because others have and show their side blatantly without regard to how their harmful beliefs truly affect me, my kids, my family, our nation, our community, people. Choose your side. Make sure you also rid yourself of me if my position on things offend you - I'm okay with that.
