I know what I think about my children. I know what I want for them. I know pretty much what they want for themselves. Sometimes we clash on what we want. Most often, I give in, not because I am weak or stupid, but because I depend on my children to know their own minds and their own hopes and wishes and I give in so that they can follow their own hearts - not mine.
It takes strength to do this - to not make your child feel or know or want the thing you want more than the thing they want or need for themselves. It takes an enormous amount of strength to give your child power over their own life.
That is what I have given Chris - power over his own life. Power that was not mine. Power to know what he believes he needs to do to make himself happy. What better thing can you give your child than power over their own life - give them the assurance that you know they know who they are and what they are and what they want and what they need, more than you, more than anyone?
It takes an enormous amount of strength to let them live.
My greatest fear, with every one of my children, is that they would one day leave me and never come back again. My greatest gift to them, I have learned, and believe, is letting them go - letting them go, knowing that I trust and love them and will always be here if they need a place to land. Need a place to be. Need me.
I need Chris, all of my children, to be able to live their lives with hope and grace and direction and determination. I need Chris, all of my children, to know I trust that I have helped them to fly and I need them to do their very best to soar high. But if they need to land ... I need them to know I am always going to be on the ground waving them in ...
Soar high, Chris. Take the power you have of your own life to make it YOUR life. I'll be here. I am here.
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