Come Closer

I was out recently and a man came up to me and asked what I was drinking. I told him, he wandered off and came back to me with a glass of wine. I thanked him and then turned to see his girlfriend waving me over to their table. I got up and moved. When I sat down, the woman said to me, "I've been watching you and I thought you were pretty, but I didn't think your face was pretty. Now that you're near me, I see you are pretty."

This really happened. I just smiled and thanked her, but was at a loss for any other words (what do you say to something like that?), but I guess I can find some comfort that I wasn't even more repulsive to this woman up close LOL.

I mention this story because people have often told me, about Chris's appearance, "If I didn't already know that he was trans, I would have never known." They also, constantly, comment on how handsome he is. I've had this same experience when meeting some of Chris's trans friends - some, I didn't even realize they were trans until well after I met them, some I knew were trans, but if I hadn't known, I would have never guessed.

There have been many occasions when I've been with Chris (and his trans friends) at a pool or lake, around strangers and, until he takes off his shirt, people may notice him, but not necessarily stare. It's when they see his (chest) scars that I've seen stares, some begin to wonder and become curious. I've never experienced any of these strangers being rude or openly judgmental, while they will whisper to each other - they simply stare enough that I become aware they are looking. There were times, early on, when this happened and I felt the urge to "defend" Chris, say something. I never acted on that urge, as I think I wanted Chris to be comfortable, have fun, to not have his identity questioned, not be forced to address strangers and their curiosity (or worse). If ever someone were to have said something mean or hateful, I would certainly have spoken up. Now, when I see people staring at Chris (and his friends), I feel more pride than fear for them.

I said recently, "You have to be a little brave or a little crazy to dress the way I do." I dress in a way that expresses my personality, a way that I'm comfortable, a way that, in many cases draws attention (like what happened with this lady and her boyfriend), and it's not necessarily intentional attention, while I am not opposed to occasionally triggering a bit of controversy. Mostly, I just dress the way I like because I have earned the right to do that. When it comes to Chris's appearance, I think he is simply trying to fit in without notice, without controversy, without condemnation. Having to have hidden his chest for so many years prior to transitioning, it is freeing for him to now experience and live his life where he can shed his shirt, feel the sun on his skin - he's earned the right to stand out or to fit in. 

Where Chris is concerned, I don't fear for him anymore when people see his scars, I celebrate that his scars are part of the process that brought him this far toward achieving happiness. I simply want to say to people who might stare, now ... "Come closer ... so you can see more clearly how beautiful he is."