Thursday, August 6, 2020

No Going Back

All of those stories are here. I have not written any stories in the past year, so I think I'll start writing some again.

I'm in "the life" now. Completely entrenched. Completely committed. There are still things within the LGBTQ+ community and about the various and diverse individuals that I do not understand or I am uninformed about, but I have come to a place where I seldom question or dismantle things, for emotional ease or even for knowledge. I may have become somewhat complaisant - I like to see it as I have become comfortable. Mostly, I owe this stability of emotions and life, in general, to Chris's ongoing, blissful adjustment to his life as a (trans) man.

People that learn I have a transgender son often look at his picture and comment about how handsome he is, how beautiful he is, they are surprised by his appearance - they sometimes say things like, "He looks like a man", or "I would have never known he was trans." Most people are fascinated, want to know his story, want to hear about his life. I spend a lot of those particular times telling people about Chris, in various consolidated versions I've learned to express concisely. Mostly, I show a lot of pictures, which people love to see. Seldom do people ask about me - about what it's like. In the beginning of our journey that happened often. I think they simply see my ease now, my joy and, therefore, no longer need to delve into what it's like or been like for me. I'm fine with that. That story is longer and has not always been so pretty.

The stories continue as this journey goes on. Where Chris is now, is five years more happy. Where I am now, is five years happier for him and five years a stronger advocate for my own child and every other mother's child that are like him. There's no going back, and that's a good thing. I don't want to be who I was in the beginning. I don't want Chris to be who he was then. I simply look forward now to all that is to come - for Chris's life and for my life with him  ...

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