One Hurdle at a Time

Through this blog I met another mother last September who had recently found out her son was transgender.  She and I have been conversing through our blogs ever since.  She has followed my story about Chris and me and I am following her story about her son and her. Since finding out her son is transgender, she began a new blog where she can write about her feelings and experiences with regard to her own journey.  It's been four months since her son came out to her and yesterday I read on her blog that she is at the point where she will now be referring to her son by his new chosen female name and referring to him with female pronouns. Like me, she has been struggling tremendously with all that is happening with her child, but she is a loving mother and has made this major step toward accepting and supporting her child - one of, if not the, hardest steps of all.

When I read this on my friend's blog I got tears in my eyes, as I am so proud of my friend.  It may seem like something very simple to those who are remote from such a situation, but it is a decision that can take many hours and weeks of conscious thought and determined strength to make, if you are the mother.  While it is a question that truly has only one answer, it can take a long time for a mother to reach this point of acceptance.  I am on my own journey with Chris for over a year now and do not find it difficult to call Chris by his new name anymore, while I still forget sometimes.  Every time my friend uses her child's new name, she will find it easier and easier.  And after a while, the name will match the face she sees that is changing.  And then the new face and new name will eventually wiggle their way past the old name and the old face to find that their place in her heart remained exactly the same.

I feel happy for this friend of mine, as I know that once you cross this difficult hurdle, you will encounter many others, but it is a huge step toward letting go of the fear, sadness and anger that tries to stand in the way of truly supporting your child.  I am no teacher of any of these things, but I have traveled some of this road ahead of my friend and, while I am happy for her success, I am even happier for her daughter's, as I have come to learn that supporting these children is detrimental to their survival.

We are two mothers traveling a similar path on a road none of us chose, but we are making thoughtful, determined and sometimes difficult choices to help our children.  That is all you can ask of us.

One hurdle at a time.  One hurdle at a time ...