As I listened to this Priest preach from the bible things I have always believed myself (I am Christian, but not Catholic), I still found myself becoming angry. I watched as my friend's daughter was standing there in her beautiful gown, fixing to marry the man of her dreams, and suddenly felt so out of place. Not in a bad way, but because my oldest children (Chris and Courtney) are gay - Courtney currently engaged to her girlfriend - I realized that my husband and I were sitting in that church with 150 or so other people and I knew that we were likely among a very small minority that would one day be participating and viewing a far different sort of marriage ceremony. I was not envious of my friend, who was able to see her desires unfold just as she likely always imagined - seeing her daughter walk down the aisle toward a future husband - I was frustrated to be in a minority of people that other people might not simply view as people that found themselves in lives where some of their similar desires do not come true. I was frustrated with a Priest that alienated my children so easily by simply quoting passages from the bible, and then went on to say that our God is a loving and patient God.
I believe in God and I believe in the bible. I also happen to believe that there is no sin greater than the other. I think that God is too brilliant to have given man choice and then punish him constantly for the choices he makes. I do believe in right and wrong, but the variations of right and wrong in any given situation might be enormous. And ... maybe it is not that people are choosing same-sex relationships/marriages that is God's test, but how the rest of us deal with it. Wouldn't that be a far greater challenge to place on man, if you were a brilliant God?
I don't know what is right or wrong, I just know where we find ourselves, sometimes. If I believe same-sex relationships/marriage are wrong, do I then alienate myself from my children and their friends? Do I spend all of my time trying to sway them to believe as I do - change them to do as I wish? Is tolerance the true test and answer? Loving them regardless? I know the story of Adam and Eve. I know that God offered man choice in the very beginning. Eve ate from the tree of Good and Evil and sin was born. I completely believe in God and I believe that any human He created was intentionally created with weakness as well as strength. I believe a brilliant God could have just as easily created a perfect human without flaws. I believe He created beings that He intended to make mistakes, question right from wrong, make choices that others disagree with, etc. I believe the journey we all travel through every experience can lead to light or darkness, but we, as humans, constantly fight to work our ways toward light. I believe it is the battles that form the light we all strive to unite together in.
Beyond my twins being gay, I am also dealing with a child who is transgender. I have no desire to hear or know the opinion of a Priest or Pastor on what they might believe are the sins my gay children or my transgender child are committing against God. I do not believe that my children believe they are committing any sins - I believe they are simply living their lives as they need to and choose to. In a letter Chris wrote to my husband and I back in December 2014, he said, "I love you. I could not have asked for better parents. It is because of you that I am everything and have everything that I have today. You always taught me with love and compassion, you taught me right from wrong, you taught me to be proud and most of all you taught to me to be myself. You could not possibly have raised me better." He went on later in the letter to say, "I want you to know that none of this is a reflection on you both as parents. On the contrary, because you are such incredible parents is why I have the strength and courage to do this for myself."
Is it possible that I, someone who grew up going to church (Baptist) every time the church doors were open on Sundays and Wednesdays and summers and revivals and camps and hundreds of hours spent in church pews and Christian gatherings for many many years - someone who has a very strong faith and love for God - is it possible that, even though I have struggled, personally, with some issues, that God gave these children to me and my husband because he knew that it would take true Christians to help such children survive in our world? Maybe so. I have never questioned God with regard to my children - I have only ever thanked him for giving them to me. I have never felt betrayed or abandoned through the struggles I have personally experienced, on the contrary. Even though I have often questioned myself - wondering if I led them wrong somehow - wondering if I was a poor example as a mother, a woman, a parent - wondered if I failed to define boundaries I might should have defined more clearly - wondered so many things ... I have never questioned that I am helping raise some of the most amazing, unique, talented, loving, wise and driven people I have ever known.
My children make mistakes and I have made mistakes with them, that is true; we're not perfect, but ... neither they nor I will leave this world not having made a difference, somehow. One day I will watch Courtney become married to her girlfriend. One day I will look at Chris and see him completely as male and no longer female. These are not events I ever imagined in my world, nor have I even known how to deal with, sometimes, nor how to prepare myself to handle perfectly or even gracefully, but ... I believe when those days come that I will know for certain that it is exactly how things were meant to be. Maybe our successfully surviving all of it will be the most important imprint my family and I leave on other people's lives. Maybe those of us wandering on the strange and not so "normal" paths are not really out of place or living in shadows, as it might appear to others, but maybe we are, in fact, those beyond the gray and living in the light ...
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