Mercury Retrograde ...

This year has been hell for my family; for a lot of people.  Some say that September was going to bring wrath for many because of (astronomy) Mercury Retrograde.  I don't have any idea what that really means, but I do know that September sucked and October needs to be a lot better.

Because of many personal/family issues going on, I haven't had much energy to devote to Chris's worries, as of late.  I know he has top surgery planned for January and is in the process of trying to raise the funds through crowd-funding (https://www.youcaring.com/chris-rhodes-616745).  I know the prospect of finally getting his surgery should be a happy time and not a stressful time.  I wish things were so different right now for all of us.

When we first learned of Chris being transgender, I remember adamantly telling my husband, "I don't know where he will get the money to pay for any surgeries, but we are NOT helping."  That was back when I didn't realize what it all really meant or where I would be, emotionally, a year out from making such a statement.  I don't like the idea of Chris removing his breasts, but I know that it is something he needs to do to survive in his own body.  Above all else, I need Chris to survive.

The other day, my youngest daughter, Alexis, asked me if she was going to be able to go to Dallas with me for Chris's top surgery - as it is scheduled on a Wednesday; a school day.  She begged me - saying "I want to be there.  I have to be there for Chris."  I conceded and said she could go, as I agree that she should be there if she wants to. She has never questioned Chris's transition, his being transgender or his surgery - all she has ever been is supportive and caring.  I take pride in raising these children who care so much about each other.

I am not a negative person.  There are times when I feel shattered just like everyone else, but for some reason God has given me a personality or an innate sense of primal survival that constantly enables me to grasp onto hope to pull me to my feet and move forward.  That is what we are all doing right now - hoping for the best and working hard to put so many pieces together; for our family, for our friends, for each other.  For Chris.

I have a hard time blaming a planet for chaos people create or experience in their lives, but maybe it is so.  If it is so, then there is hope, because Mercury will eventually move and hopefully take the chaos with it ...