Doors Close and Doors Open

As a parent, you have to change so many things about the way you think.  I don't imagine this is necessarily as true for friends of a transgender individual, as all they really have to remind themselves is to call that person by a new name and new pronouns.  For me, because Chris is also a twin (twin girls), I have also had to remember to stop calling them by one of my favored endearments "the girls".  I remember as they were growing up I'd hear their friends refer to them as "the twins" but I never called them that; to me they were (when referring to the both of them) "the girls". "Where are the girls?"  "Have you talked to the girls?"  "I'm going to spend time with the girls."   "Tell the girls dinner is ready."

I now call them "the twins" or refer to them as Courtney and Chris.  But very often I forget and still refer to them as "the girls", as does many of my family, as we all got to where we would call them that.  When my son was very little and could not tell his sisters apart, he referred to them as "the Courtneys".  "Momma, where are the Courtneys?"

Just like is has been difficult to leave Chris's birth name, Chloe Nicole, behind, it is also difficult to leave behind this term of endearment.  But now when I say it, I catch myself making the mistake and I correct myself, but my mind almost always immediately flashes on a stream of memories that consists of so many years of when they were ... the girls.  My girls.

You give up a lot of things in life you don't necessarily want to - like a house you loved living in but had to sell.  Like a marriage that just didn't work out.  Like friends you grew apart from.  Like a hobby you enjoyed but simply took up too much of your time.  I've had to give up, not just one name with Chris, but 3 names.  Chloe.  The girls.  My daughter.

Fortunately, each of the names I have had to give up have been replaced.  By Chris.  By the twins.  By my son.  But the old names will never be forgotten.  Not by me.  It's like we are all now living another life with somewhat of a different person; a person different than who I thought she would be, thought they would be.

That's okay.  We are all slowly moving on and at least we are all living.  And ... I still have all the memories.  Doors close and doors open ...