It has sometimes been both of those things - drama and trauma. But not so much of either, anymore. It is becoming easier. It is becoming our life. However, there are times when someone, like Anna, who is Chris's girlfriend, talks about Chris, and I listen to her. It's strange. Because she is the one who loves Chris the most - even more than than me, I believe - different than me - and I hear when she talks about him and I am so aware of how she talks about him.
Just about the time you think you are aligning all of the peculiarities of all of this thing together, you hear someone, like Anna, talk about Chris in a way that makes him someone you want to know, but you do not know at all, the way he needs to be known or seen, the way that she sees him.
I don't even know how to describe it, other than to describe it as the way it should be. Anna sees Chris closer and more as he wishes to be than I see him, yet. He is lucky to have Anna and his twin, Courtney, as they do not seem to analyze all that it is - they just simply accept all that it is - all that he was and all that it he is now. It is different than me; how they are with him. How they have become with him.
I want to be there. I want to know and see him as they see him. I'm watching Anna and Courtney - those who love Chris the most - more, even than me. I'm trying to learn how to love him and really see him the way they do ...
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